The last month was one of the hardest months I’ve had in years. After being Divinely inspired to quit my current job at a music management company, I spent the last few weeks grappling with my identity, my purpose, and all of my fears and insecurities. There have been Godly whispers my entire life about what I should be doing, what my purpose is, and how I can be of service. I have followed those whispers everywhere from Atlanta to NYC to LA, and many places in between. Constantly throwing myself into new waters and taking risks has helped me to grow immeasurably. I have learned to embrace uncertainty and I’ve seen the Universe provide for me over and over, without fail. I have spent the better part of the last year the happiest I have ever been.
I was at church one Sunday and Devon Franklin was the guest preacher. He did an amazing sermon about the chains that are holding us back in life, the emotional baggage and limiting beliefs that block us from living out our highest potential. I began to pray that my chains would be revealed to me and that those areas would be healed. When you pray a prayer that big, it’s important to be prepared for the consequences and to see your prayer being answered as a blessing. Easier said than done. A few weeks later Pastor Toure spoke about releasing things and leaving room for God to walk into our lives. The sermon spoke to me so strongly and I knew in that moment I had to leave my job. The next week a guest pastor came in and did an entire sermon about asking God to use us, to be of service in the world.
The combination of the messages I received in the three services hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to receive direction on what I was supposed to do, but in the weeks following me leaving my job, I fell into a deep depression. It didn’t last long, but for someone who has spent the better part of the last few years extremely positive and happy, it felt absolutely debilitating. I went back and forth from being sure of the steps I should take and the direction I should move in, to feeling absolutely paralyzed and unsure of the next step to take. What I realized was is that I have been living a life that is not up to my full potential out of fear. Most people are. In fact, it is so normal to do this in our society that the people who do live out their highest potential are often seen as crazy until they are “successful” by societal terms and then they are embraced. However, in today’s globally connected society, those that do become publicly successful are then both idolized and tormented by the general public. Our “stars” are the targets of hatred, slander, jealousy, corruption, and scandal. With all the negative news, reality TV, and pop culture obsession in the world, there’s no wonder so many of us are living in fear.
We are told from a young age that there are certain things that are socially acceptable within our own cultures. For many people that includes going to college, getting a 9-5 job, getting married, and having kids (in that order). If you stray from that life path, there are several people that constantly remind you that you need to hurry up and have kids and have stability in your life. If you can listen to your own heart rather than the well-meaning naysayers, you will begin to fulfill your dharma, which is “expressing your unique talent with service to humanity”. Once you begin to follow your path, you come face to face with your fears. I realized that the darkness that arose in the last few weeks was really just me colliding head on with my fears. For the last several years, I have spoken openly about our creative power, the law of attraction, the power of love and gratitude, and the importance of following our dreams. I lived these principles to some extent but in the wake of quitting my job, I was confronted with the fact that there were many parts of my dream that I had not acted on. In terms of making videos and really putting myself out there creatively, I was timid at best. Pursuing an alternate path than many of my peers, coupled with being in a city and industry that often thrive on negativity were enough to keep me slightly stuck from truly living out my deepest desires. I’ve found that many of us make excuses for not following our dreams, waiting for things to be “perfect” before we act and then often not acting at all. As I was speaking to my friend Dominique last week in a depressed haze, she encouraged me to take action. She told me to begin creating, to begin recording and speaking my truth even if it wasn’t perfect. The video above is the result of following that advice. I realized that if I could have the courage to share and be totally honest in my darkest hour, I am a lot stronger than I’ve given myself credit for. I also realized in the beautiful experience that I had that the best path to creation involves functioning on the highest vibration possible, which is love. Writing from a clear mind after weeks of confusion, I can honestly say I am so grateful for everything I went through. Praying for the things that have held me back to be revealed and then riding out that wave gave me the insight and clarity I needed to follow my dreams.
“You ever watch a dream manifest? There’s nothing like it…” -DJ Drama
“Never let nobody tell you what you can’t be” -Meek Mill