The last month was one of the hardest months I’ve had in years. After being Divinely inspired to quit my current job at a music management company, I spent the last few weeks grappling with my identity, my purpose, and all of my fears and insecurities. There have been Godly whispers my entire life about what I should be doing, what my purpose is, and how I can be of service. I have followed those whispers everywhere from Atlanta to NYC to LA, and many places in between. Constantly throwing myself into new waters and taking risks has helped me to grow immeasurably. I have learned to embrace uncertainty and I’ve seen the Universe provide for me over and over, without fail. I have spent the better part of the last year the happiest I have ever been.
I was at church one Sunday and Devon Franklin was the guest preacher. He did an amazing sermon about the chains that are holding us back in life, the emotional baggage and limiting beliefs that block us from living out our highest potential. I began to pray that my chains would be revealed to me and that those areas would be healed. When you pray a prayer that big, it’s important to be prepared for the consequences and to see your prayer being answered as a blessing. Easier said than done. A few weeks later Pastor Toure spoke about releasing things and leaving room for God to walk into our lives. The sermon spoke to me so strongly and I knew in that moment I had to leave my job. The next week a guest pastor came in and did an entire sermon about asking God to use us, to be of service in the world.
The combination of the messages I received in the three services hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to receive direction on what I was supposed to do, but in the weeks following me leaving my job, I fell into a deep depression. It didn’t last long, but for someone who has spent the better part of the last few years extremely positive and happy, it felt absolutely debilitating. I went back and forth from being sure of the steps I should take and the direction I should move in, to feeling absolutely paralyzed and unsure of the next step to take. What I realized was is that I have been living a life that is not up to my full potential out of fear. Most people are. In fact, it is so normal to do this in our society that the people who do live out their highest potential are often seen as crazy until they are “successful” by societal terms and then they are embraced. However, in today’s globally connected society, those that do become publicly successful are then both idolized and tormented by the general public. Our “stars” are the targets of hatred, slander, jealousy, corruption, and scandal. With all the negative news, reality TV, and pop culture obsession in the world, there’s no wonder so many of us are living in fear.